Blood Flows Freely
by weallmadeofstars
Summary: Based on the ep Whisper to a scream. 4 part lyrical fic. Surprise on the 4th part
1. Whisper

"Whisper"  
  
Ellie was in the Degrassi bathroom, standing in front of the mirror. All of it was too much to handle. She'd been late almost every day for a week. The pop quiz she had failed. Her mother had taken to alcoholism again since her father went back into the army. Ellie dug the sharp end of the compass into her arm. Hot tears stung her face. The pain really wasn't all that bad. It actually felt GOOD. She felt powerful. Ellie dug in deeper this time, wondering what would come of it.  
  
Catch me as I fall, say you're here and it's all over now. Speaking to the atmosphere, no one's here and I fall into myself. This truth drives me into madness. I know I can stop the pain if I will it all away.  
  
Blood spattered into the sink, and there was a red puddle on the floor. Ellie dropped the compass into the sink as she heard the bathroom door open. In walked Paige, whom gazed at Ellie with a puzzled expression on her face. Ellie backed up against the sink, her arms hidden behind her back. Paige was the last person Ellie wanted to see right now. Paige began washing her hands in the sink, and Ellie grabbed the compass and her backpack, slipping quietly out of the bathroom.  
  
Don't turn away. Don't give in to the pain.  
  
Ellie heard footsteps behind her and she just kept walking. Someone seized her from behind and slammed her against the cold metal of the locker. "Ellie. I know what you're doing," A voice said. Not Paige, AGAIN! "Ellie," Paige shook Ellie's body lightly. "Ellie!" Ellie stared blankly back at Paige.  
  
Don't try to hide, though they're screaming your name. Don't close your eyes. God knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the light. Never sleep, never die.  
  
Ellie clenched her jaw. "Paige, why don't you leave me alone like you usually do?" Paige's eyes were wet and teary, as were Ellie's. "Because," Paige began. "I want to help you." Ellie made a disbelieving noise.  
  
I'm frightened by what I see, but somehow I know that there's much more to come. Immobilized by my fear and soon to be blinded by tears.  
  
"Help me with what?" Ellie acted as if she didn't know what Paige was talking about. Paige swallowed loudly. Apparently this was hard for her. "You know what. I want to help you because, okay Ellie, I care about you believe it or not." Ellie was tuning her out. If she didn't listen, Paige would simply go away.  
  
I can stop the pain if I will it all away.  
  
"Ellie, I know how you feel." Paige exclaimed. Ellie grew hysterical. "How could you ever understand? You, with your perfect life, perfect body, your popularity?" "When he did that to me, I felt disgusting. I didn't want to live." Paige spoke softly. Ellie just stared. "Oh, should I be so sorry that you are such a whore? Should I be sorry that you showed off, gave him all the signals, and he raped you? No, I don't think so." Ellie started to walk away.  
  
Don't turn away. Don't give into the pain. Don't try to hide, though they're screaming your name.  
  
Paige grabbed Ellie's arm. Ellie flinched. That was her cutting arm. "Sorry," Paige said. "I know, I deserve what you said. I do flaunt it. I'm not trying to make you feel sorry for me. I just know what it's like when things get bad."  
  
Don't close your eyes, God knows what lies behind them. Don't turn out the light. Never sleep, never die.  
  
Ellie collapsed to the floor. Paige sat down beside her, arms around her- hugging. Ellie sobbed uncontrollably, and Paige stroked Ellie's hair.  
  
Fallen angels at my feet, whispered voices at my ear. Death before my eyes, lying next to me I fear.  
  
Ellie looked at Paige, emotion was flooding her eyes. "My dad, he went back into the army. I thought," Paige nodded, telling Ellie to go on. "I thought my mom would be okay. But now she's drinking again. There's empty bottles of Vodka all over the house. I took that pop quiz, and I failed. I've been late for school the past two weeks." Paige gaped, disbelieving. "You've been doing this for two weeks?" she asked.  
  
She beckons me, shall I give in? Upon my end shall I begin? Forsaking all I've fallen for, I rise to meet the end.  
  
Ellie nodded. Paige took Ellie's hand in hers. "I'm going to try and help you." 


	2. Tourniquet

"Tourniquet"  
  
Ellie looked at Paige. "How can you help me?" Paige stared into Ellie's sad, beautiful eyes. She wanted to take all of Ellie's pain away. "Whenever you feel like you're alone. Whenever you feel helpless, about to cut. Call me, no matter what the time. My cell phone is always on. My number, here's my number." Paige took out a piece of paper and wrote her cell phone number down. Paige handed the piece of paper to Ellie, and Ellie nodded. "I'll try." Paige helped Ellie up, and hugged her once again. "Now I'd better get back to class. You should go to the office and say you don't feel well. They'll let you go home. Then you can sleep. Okay?" Ellie nodded, fingers tingling from loss of blood. Paige walked back to class, and Ellie headed to the office. It wasn't hard to convince them she wasn't feeling well, because she really truly wasn't.  
  
Ellie walked home. She opened up the door to her house and immediately saw her mother on the sofa, so boozed up that she had passed out. Ellie walked limply into her room, and collapsed onto the bed. When she woke up, it was because of her mother. Her mother was in the nearby bathroom, moaning and throwing up. Ellie took out the compass and stared at it. It was amazing how such a little tool could change so much of her life.  
  
I tried to kill the pain but only brought more. I lay dying and I'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal. I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming. Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost?  
  
Ellie sighed, bringing up the sleeve on her shirt. She cut, not so deep this time, but enough so it hurt. Enough to bleed. When Paige called, what would she say? Ellie knew Paige was serious about this. Paige would call. Ellie brought up the other sleeve of her other arm. She'd never cut this arm before. Would it be different?  
  
My God, my tourniquet. Return to me, salvation. My God, my tourniquet. Return to me, salvation.  
  
Why would it be different? It was still skin. Ellie smiled to herself. She cut, several times. It was really a good thing that the carpet was red. Ellie might have felt stupid to think of that at this moment, but she knew that was all her mom would care about.  
  
Do you remember me? Lost for so long. Will you be on the other side or will you forget me? I'm dying, praying, bleeding, and screaming. Am I too lost to be saved? Am I too lost?  
  
Ellie cried herself to sleep, and was awoken by the harsh ringing of the telephone. Ellie picked up the phone, not saying a word. "Ellie?" It was Paige of course. "Hey Paige." Ellie said weakly, her throat dry and flaky. "I woke you up, didn't I? You've been sleeping this whole time?" Paige asked. Ellie sighed. "Um, no." Paige must have noticed the change in tone of voice. "Ellie, what did you do? Did you cut again?" Paige asked again, her voice alarmed. My God, my tourniquet. Return to me, salvation. My God, my tourniquet. Return to me, salvation.  
  
Ellie was silent. She looked at her arms. Here was a dilemma. Should she lie to the girl who's trying to help her? Ellie got the nerve to speak. "Yes," Ellie's voice sounded tearful. "Paige, could you please come over to my house?" Paige didn't even have to think about it. "Of course. I'll be right over, hon." Paige hung up the phone, and Ellie sat there, reciever pressed against her ever beating heart. Someone cared. Someone actually cared.  
  
When Paige arrived, Ellie couldn't help but smile. Even though it was a small smile, Paige knew it was a big step for Ellie. Paige grabbed Ellie into a big hug. "Have you eaten today?" Paige asked. They were standing outside of Ellie's house. "No." Ellie said. She realized she hadn't eaten in two days. "Let's go eat," Paige replied. When Ellie looked hesitant, Paige continued. "It's on me." Paige took Ellie's hand in hers, and they headed to the nearby restaurant.  
  
My wounds cry for the grave, my soul cries for deliverance. Will I be denied? Christ, tourniquet, my suicide. 


	3. Bring Me To Life

"Bring Me To Life"  
  
Ellie and Paige sat down across from each other in the restaurant booth. Ellie looked at Paige. Ellie's eyes were thankful.  
  
How can you see into my eyes like open doors? Leading you down into my core, where I've become so numb, without a soul, my spirit sleeping somewhere cold until you find it there and lead it back home.  
  
"Thank you for helping me. Are you sure you have time to do this?" Ellie asked. Paige grinned. "I'll always have time for you, El." The waiter came and asked them what they wanted. Both said Coca-Cola and a burger with fries. Once the waiter left, they continued their conversation. "No, Paige. If it wasn't for you I might be dead. I would have committed suicide. You saved my life."  
  
Wake me up inside, wake me up inside. Call my name and save me from the dark. Bid my blood to run, before I come undone. Save me from the nothing I've become.  
  
"No, I didn't. You saved your own life." Paige replied. "How is that?" Ellie didn't understand. "In the school bathroom. You never would have done it in there if you didn't want someone to see you." "Oh Paige, and I'm so glad it was use that saw me." Ellie exclaimed. Paige smiled. "And why is that?"  
  
Now that I know what I'm without, you can't just leave me. Breathe into me and make me real. Bring me to life.  
  
"Because, anyone else wouldn't have understood." Ellie answered. "That might not be true." Paige said. "I don't care. The point is, you're the only one who cares about me right now. Paige, you're such a great friend. I cannot thank you enough. I owe you everything." "I just did what anyone who cares would do."  
  
Wake me up inside, wake me up inside. Call my name and save me from the dark. Bid my blood to run, before I come undone. Save me from the nothing I've become. Bring me to life.  
  
Their food came, and they ate in silence. When they were done, Paige paid and they went back to Ellie's house. Ellie let Paige in, blushing shamefully. Ellie's mother was passed out on the floor. Again. Ellie let out a frustrated sob, and she turned away from Paige. Paige frowned sadly, wondering how she'd deal if her mother did that. "Let's go to your room," Paige whispered. "If that's okay." Ellie nodded and led Paige into her room. Paige walked towards the compass lying on the floor. She picked it up, and put it in her pocket. Ellie looked like she was about to protest. "Its for your own good." Paige said simply.  
  
Frozen inside without your touch, without your love, darling. Only you are the life among the dead. Ellie sighed. "But-" Paige shook her head. "NO. I will NOT allow you to hurt yourself again. Let me be your compass. Call me. Talk to me. Don't cut. Don't bleed." Ellie picked up Paige's number off of the floor. She took a thumbtack and tacked Paige's number to the wall beside her bed. Ellie cleared her throat. "Are you spending the night?" she asked Paige. Paige considered. "Do you want me to?" Ellie nodded slowly.  
  
All this time I can't believe I couldn't see. Kept in the dark but you were there in front of me. I've been sleeping a thousand years it seems. Got to open my eyes to everything.  
  
"Ok. Since you want me to stay, I will stay. I promise you I'll always be here for you. You have my word." Paige solemnly swore. Ellie nodded. "And your word is the most powerful thing in the world."  
  
Without a thought, without a voice, without a soul. Don't let me die here, there must be something more. Bring me to life.  
  
And they talked all night. 


	4. Going Under

"Going Under"  
  
In the morning, Paige was the first one to wake. She explored Ellie's room, and found a notebook. Turning through the pages, she saw it.  
  
Now I will tell you what I've done for you. 50 thousand tears I've cried. Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you. And you still won't hear me.  
  
The top of the page said To Paige, and on it, the lyrics to a song. As Paige sat down and read the lyrics, she was filled with surprise. So it seemed that Ellie felt a certain way about her.  
  
Ellie woke up, and Paige put the notebook back where she found it. "What were you doing?" Ellie accused. Paige couldn't lie. "I was looking at your notebook." Ellie's eyes filled with tears, and she hugged her legs to her chest. "What did you see?"  
  
Don't want your hand, this time I'll save myself. Maybe I'll wake up for once. Not tormented daily defeated by you. Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom, I'm dying again.  
  
Paige looked at Ellie. There was no way she could lie. "I know how you feel about me." Ellie sobbed loudly. "I think it's time for you to leave." She said. Paige nodded, and she left. Ellie couldn't believe how stupid she had been. Why did she have to write it down in the notebook? Ellie took Paige's number off of the wall. She stared at the thumbtack. When you're a cutter, anything is a weapon. Ellie took the thumbtack and dug it deep into her arm. It took even more effort to cut with a tack. It hurt more. Yet it felt better.  
  
I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever, I've got to break through. I'm going under.  
  
Ellie felt wonderful and horrible at the same time. She fell to the floor, unconcious. It was the shock. When she awoke, she had a furious headache. She didn't remember what had happened. Then it hit her. Ellie had to call Paige.  
  
Blurring and stirring, the truth and the lies. Don't know what's real and what's not. Always confusing the thoughts in my head. So I can't trust myself anymore. I'm dying again.  
  
"Hello?" It felt like it had been days since she had heard Paige's wonderful voice. "Paige." Ellie said. "Yes?" "I used the thumbtack to cut." "I didn't know you could cut with a tack." "Well, you can. And I'm sorry you found out by my notebook and not by me. I don't want to feel this way." Ellie said. "It's ok. Meet me at the park, ok?" Paige replied mysteriously, and hung up. Ellie shrugged, and headed to the park.  
  
I'm going under, drowning in you. I'm falling forever, I've got to break through. When she arrived at the park, Paige was waiting for her. Paige walked over to Ellie. "Ellie, I know you're in love with me. Heck, I don't blame ya. But I don't feel the way you do. If I gave you the wrong idea, I'm sorry. My bro's gay, not me. But it doesn't mean we can't be friends. Just friends."  
  
So go on and scream, scream at me. I'm so far away, I won't be broken again. I've got to breathe, I can't keep going under.  
  
Ellie shook her head. "If you don't feel the way I do, I don't even want to be friends with you." Ellie stomped away. And that night, she cut. 


	5. Author's Note

Author's Note  
  
This story was based on Whisper to A Scream. When I saw the episode, I had to translate it myself. And give it my own gay flair, which I did. Unfortunately, it has a sad ending. I'm thinking of continuing it. All 4 of the songs I used lyrics from are by Evanescence. I thought they all fit pretty good. But I hoped you liked my story. It's my first Degrassi fanfic. Leave me some reviews, please! 


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